


I Have Stars That Fell From the Skies (and They're You)

by captainisabela



Category: Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Coffee Shops, Insecurities, Jeon Hojoon-Centric, M/M, Oh, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, the rating will go up for the second part btw, theres porn lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-03-03 15:04:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13343727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainisabela/pseuds/captainisabela
Summary: In which Hojoon falls in love with his best friend and his best friend's boyfriend





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Exo's Heaven
> 
> This was rly only supposed to be one part idk why im splitting it up but i guess thats good if u dont like nsfw
> 
> this is also my baby pls love it well

Recently, Hojoon thinks, he may have overstepped his boundaries. Actually, he definitely, one hundred percent has. He wasn’t thinking then when he said it, had been tired and drunk so the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could reel his thoughts back into the tiny box in the corner of his mind. It was his own fault though, for even thinking those things in the first place, having feelings he shouldn’t have about people he had no right to. How can you be in love with your best friend and his boyfriend and be a decent human being? How can you tell your best friend and his boyfriend that you love them so much you’d spend the rest of your life with them without ruining everything?

Immediately after waking up, Hojoon panicked. He remembered exactly what he said last night, remembered the faces the two made after realising what he meant. He remembered Jiho awkwardly patting his shoulder, sending him a quick good night, and remembered the way Taeyang tossed a folded blanket on his lap, not even looking at him. Hojoon remembered stopping them, remembered the blatant love dripping off his words when he whispered.

_“I hope one day you can love me the way I love you. I hope one day we can kiss each other awake and have really nice morning sex in our big house with our big backyard.”_

They were simple words, maybe even a bit cheesy, but all three of them knew what it meant. Jiho and Taeyang knew as soon as the words left his lips, even if Hojoon was too hammered to realise he spoke. But Hojoon knew now, and his hands shook as he looked for his car keys. He just wanted to hurry up and leave before either of them woke up. Then he wanted to maybe drink again and wallow in self-pity.

For a second, Hojoon thinks about leaving a note before he leaves, a quick apology because he knows as soon as he gets home he won’t be able to say anything to them ever again. Really, he hoped that the two of them were also drunk enough to not remember what happened, but if Hojoon could then so could they. He closed the door quietly, definitely wanting to make sure neither of them wakes up. Shuffling to the elevator, Hojoon glanced back. There was a good chance that they would never invite him for drinks and a movie again, therefore meaning he’ll never see the apartment again. He sighed, stepping into the elevator and pressing the ground floor button. Rubbing his eyes, Hojoon put his head in his hands. How unfortunate.

And maybe he felt a little guilty, too. Jiho was his whole entire best friend, and maybe he could be able to disregard Hojoon have a crush on _him_ but on _Taeyang_ , his _boyfriend_ , too? He’s probably really upset. He probably feels betrayed. But Tae was his really close friend too, and he was definitely way more possessive of his boyfriend than the other. He’s probably really upset too. Fuck. What if they get in a fight because of him? What if they break up because of what he said when he was shit faced? Hojoon has to choke back a whimper.

As much as Hojoon wanted to be with them, honestly? He didn’t want to be with them if they weren’t together too. Not only did he fall in love with them individually, but as a couple too. He loved their dynamic. He loved how they were still so in love after four years of being together. He loved how they took care of each other. He loved them. He loved Shin Jiho and Kim Taeyang. Hojoon was royally fucked.

Hojoon truly wished he could go back to sleep once he fell onto his own bed, up way too early for a Saturday. But the impending doom spread through his mind, making him shiver and curl himself up tighter under the covers. His mind was loud and quiet at the same time, the only thing he could think about was his mistake and that wasn’t nearly as calming as counting sheep was. At least waking up before eight let him leave without a trace.

After lying wide awake in bed for two hours thinking over his twisted love problems, Hojoon accepted the fact that he was not sleeping anytime soon. He pouted as he swung his legs off the side of the bed. Eventually, he managed to get himself on the couch with a bowl of cereal, but his appetite wasn’t really there. Hojoon forced himself to eat it anyways, cereal was gross when it got soggy and he didn’t want to waste it. Some show on the TV drones on and he stared blankly as he ate, not in the mood pay much attention. As time went on, he began to feel sort of empty.

As much as he hates to admit it, he relies a lot on his two best friends. Hojoon shows himself as this independent person who doesn’t need anybody’s help, but in reality, he needed Jiho and Taeyang for everything. That’s why, not talking for even these few hours is killing him, even worse now that he’s said something so risky. By now, the two of them definitely should be up, Taeyang an early riser despite drinking, and also an annoying fuck who thinks everyone should wake up when he does. By now, the two of them should be discussing what happened last night, probably deciding whether or not they should call and say goodbye before dropping Hojoon completely. The anxiety of knowing that they’re awake is enough to make Hojoon go and stress bake.

The phone call comes after his second batch of brownies, his heart rate spiking just as he got it to a normal level. Hojoon curses, rushing to take his oven mitts off so he can answer. Half of him is praying that it’s just someone that got the wrong number, and half of him is praying that it’s them so that he can finally know which one of them is more pissed. His phone is in his pocket and he fumbles for a second, just barely able to check the caller ID and swipe to answer before his voicemail would have picked up. It was Jiho calling, but Taeyang’s voice rang out after Hojoon let out a shaky hello.

_“We need to talk. Meet us at our cafe at two, okay?”_ Taeyang paused for a moment, waiting to see if Hojoon would respond. His tongue was tied, though, he whispered out an okay, so quiet Taeyang probably didn’t hear. _“We’ll see you, Hojoon-ah.”_ The line went dead, then, but Hojoon still held the phone to his ear. His heart was beating too fast, his hands shaking, and he was honestly, truly, scared. They wanted to “talk” and that term is so vague, could mean so many things, it was too much for Hojoon. But, in the back of his mind, he knew he couldn’t just leave it like this. He had to go. So he sighed, shuffling to the bathroom to rinse off the smell of alcohol and guilt.

***

Hojoon arrived at the cafe at one thirty. It surprised him, but it also didn’t. He was never usually early to plans, but he was so nervous he really couldn’t stay in the apartment any longer. He had to leave. Not that he minded, though, Taeyang has called it “our cafe” for a reason. The three of them had all worked there together, a while back, that’s how he and Jiho met him. None of them still worked there, however, a couple of friends still did and Hojoon slipped around to the side counter to speak to one of them.  
“Good morning, Hansollie,” Hojoon called out tiredly. The boy brightened, placing the cloth he was cleaning a machine with on the counter to slide over and ruffle Hojoon’s hair. Hansol was another one of Hojoon’s best friends, even if they squabble frequently. Even though he was younger, he always knew what to say, was always so kind and gave the best advice.

“Hojoon-hyung… it’s the afternoon!” Hansol laughed, squatting and resting his elbows on the counter. They were all lucky that the shop was never too busy around this time, normally they would just sit in the back and talk when there were no customers. Hojoon scowled at the younger, fixing his hair.

“You know what I meant.” He replied, sighing. “I have to meet Jiho and Tae here. I think I’m in trouble.” Hansol frowned, tilting his head.

“Why?” Hojoon sighed again.

“I told them.” He confessed, voice quiet and a bit ashamed. “I dunno why, Hansollie, but I was drunk and it slipped out on accident and now they want to talk.” The younger hummed, petting the other’s hair.

“I see.” Was all he said for a moment, pausing. “I think it’s something you should talk about, though. It isn’t good to keep things like that bottled up inside, especially if you feel bad about it.” Huffing, Hojoon pulled a chair up to the counter and sat, resting his head on the cool surface. He groans but nods, knowing that he’s right.

“It’s so weird and embarrassing though like, how would you feel? Weird right? My thoughts are weird.”

Hansol shrugged before answering. “Not really. I’ve known of relationships like that? Where there are more than two people dating. It’s not that weird! And lots of people fall in love with their best friends and their boyfriends, hyung.”  
Hojoon lifted his head, glaring at the other. “Literally where do you see that because I have never. Stop giving me false hope.” He bites, smacking the younger on the arm.

“Well… I have a friend named Hyuna, you’ve met her right?” Hojoon nodded. “Remember her boyfriend, Hyojong?” Hojoon nodded again, eyes squinted suspiciously. “They kind of uh, started seeing his best friend, Hwitaek. Both of them. See? Not weird.” He pats Hojoon on the shoulder.

The other frowns, fixing his hair as it becomes closer to two. “I mean… I guess that makes me feel better but it doesn’t make the situation any less weird because- that’s kind of weird. But do you really, truly think Tae and Jiho are like that? Jiho maybe, but I don’t think Tae will be very happy with me.”

Hansol shrugs, he’s been doing that a lot with Hojoon recently. The bell on the door rings, indicating a customer has come in. Hojoon looks nervously, but it was an older woman that walked in, so he relaxed as Hansol slipped away, a sort of ominous “only time will tell” coming from him. As neutral as he was, Hansol was good to talk to about problems, though his neutrality is probably why Hojoon likes him so much. He wasn’t really asking for advice, just someone to tell him what he’s feeling and help him sort it out and if either of the figure something out on the way, then that’s that. Hansol doesn’t judge, has an open mind and lots of friends that are lots of things and do lots of things. He’s seen a lot more than Hojoon has for sure.

It’s only ten minutes until two, but neither of them had shown up yet. Hojoon sat pouting in a booth close to where he was talking to Hansol, just in case the sudden rush he got let up and they could talk again. As if there was much to talk about anyways. The bell dinged and Hojoon’s head shot up from where he was distracting himself on his phone and his whole entire stomach lurched. He could see the top of Jiho’s head, the rest of him blocked by a display case on the counter. Little bits of Jiho filtered into Hojoon’s sight through the spaces in the container, could see a bit of Taeyang coming up behind him. Hojoon turned away, not wanting to see them until they had gotten their coffee. He had all day to mentally prepare himself but maybe he needs a few extra minutes. Hansol glanced at him then, sending him a knowing and sort of mischievous look and Hojoon frowned. 

Soon enough Hansol had taken their order, pointing them towards his seat and he looked away as if he hadn’t been staring at them the whole time anyways. He grimaced to himself as the two nodded with their smiles, Jiho ruffling up Hansol’s hair and getting the death glare from him. He almost wanted to whine as they made their way over here, almost wanted to throw up as they sat down with their coffees and the air became tense. Their expressions changed then, and Taeyang reached a hand out to cover one of Hojoon’s, clenched around his own cup of coffee to keep them from shaking too hard. For a small moment, nobody spoke. The air was sombre and Hojoon could feel the fear in his bones as Taeyang opened his mouth to speak.

“...Hojoon-ah, do you remember what you said last night?” Half of Hojoon wanted to lie, to tell them he didn’t really remember anything about last night. But then the other half wanted to get out with it, tell them what they already know so that they could move on and Hojoon could hide away, never to be seen by them again. So he nods slowly, not looking either of them in their eyes. His soul filled with shame.

“Look at us, Hojoon.” Taeyang’s voice was commanding and Hojoon couldn’t resist, snapped his head up even though all he wanted to do was bury himself in the ground. Neither of them looked him in the eyes. Instead, they pierced into his soul, his heart, and unlaid all of Hojoon’s wishes and desires. Inside he feels a desperate pull, one that makes him want to spew out everything.

He whispers. “Listen...I know what I said and I know that I meant it. I know that it made you uncomfortable and I’m sorry for that.” His faze flickers between his coffee and them, afraid of the eye contact but afraid of disobeying Taeyang too. Hojoon could see Jiho frown, and the neutral line of Hojoon’s lips tilted downwards as well. Reaching his long arms out, Jiho placed his hands over Hojoon’s and the older almost jerked away but kept still. He didn’t want to spill his drink all over Jiho anyways.

“Hyung…” Jiho trailed off, almost sadly. Hojoon thinks it’s because he doesn’t want to let his best friend go so soon. It really is a shame. He saw Taeyang thread his fingers through Jiho’s hair and his gut clenched a little. Funny thing is, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be Jiho or Tae in that situation. What a mess. Jiho collected his thoughts and started again. “Hojoon-hyung, it isn’t like that. It wasn’t. We like you! It was just. A bad time last night.”

Hojoon pulled his hands away, upset. “What do you mean?” He might be a little too defensive, but that’s just how Hojoon is when he’s like this, confused and scared and sad all at once. Instinct was to protect himself, to push away and be angry so nobody would come back and confront him, so he could be safe from inevitable words once again. Jiho’s frown deepens and he slowly pulls his lanky arms back to his sides. Taeyang sighs, speaking up.

“What he’s trying to say is that we like you. Romantically. The way that, judging from what you said, you like us too. Hojoon-ah, we’ve been thinking of adding you into our relationship for a while, but last night, Jiho and I sort of had an argument over whether or not what we were thinking was appropriate, that’s why when we came back with drinks, neither of us were in a good mood.” He leans over the table then, peels Hojoon’s shivering hand off of his coffee cup and holds it. Jiho copies, and this time Hojoon lets his hand fall into the younger’s. Hojoon lets his head hang.

He’s still confused, still a bit scared, but he feels something else now, something that he’s not really sure of but it’s there, deep in the marrow of his bones. It makes him want to lay down with Jiho and Taeyang forever. “Okay.” He whispers, just to respond. Hojoon isn’t really sure what to do now anyway, what happens after this. It doesn’t feel as if the two people he’s loved the most just confessed to him, right in front of his face. It feels unreal.

Jiho squeezes his hand tight, a bright smile creeping onto his face. “Will you let us take you out, hyung? If you want to have us, still? I want to do this right! I want to do this like I did with Tae. You aren’t any different because I’ve known you for so long!” Hojoon can’t help but crack a smile, Jiho’s enthusiasm has always been one of his favourite features. He was such a sunshine, radiated this bright energy that drew you to him no matter what. 

In response, Taeyang scoots closer, close enough so his free hand can rest on Hojoon’s cheek. “If this is something you really want to do with us,” he speaks seriously, though his demeanour is happy and glowing. It was as if Jiho’s sunlight was reflecting off the surface of Taeyang’s moon. “then we’re going to have to discuss a lot. I know we’re close, and I know we all love each other a lot, more than you and I and Jiho may know, but that doesn’t mean our relationship is going to be easy. But we don’t have to address this now. We can do that over dinner on Tuesday at eight?” Taeyang smiles cheekily and Hojoon does the same, laughing softly.

“That… sound nice.” He responds with a nod but sobers up some to talk about more serious matters. Hojoon squeezes their hands tight, doesn’t ever want to let go, wants to hold them and be held and be touched and caressed with them until the end of his days. “I understand, though, I never thought it would be easy. But it’s something that I want to do. I love you all for so so long, maybe longer than even I’ve thought, I don’t want to lose it now.” Taeyang nods in response, biting his lip and pinching at Hojoon’s cheek. Jiho grins, leaning over the table to crush Hojoon in an awkward hug, kisses him on the cheek then stands, helping Taeyang up. 

“Sorry for leaving you so soon, hyung, we just have some errands to run! But we’ll call you later okay?”

“That’s alright. I need to reflect a bit anyway.” Hojoon stands after them, pulling Taeyang into his hold, and he feels so overwhelmed, the feeling of pure _love_ sudden and big and _crushing_. He holds onto Taeyang tighter, only for a moment before he lets them go. They wave each other off with a goodbye and Hojoon feels so light, wispy, like a breeze of air. He feels _free_. The love he had was a heavy burden, Hojoon felt so sinful, so dirty and disgusting for wanting the both of them.

Hojoon took his empty coffee cup and threw it away, said his goodbye to Hansol and reminded himself to treat him to something some time, he played a large part in this too, and even if Hojoon won’t verbally say it, he was very thankful for that. He exits his favourite little shop, smiling loud and bright. It was a nice 360 from when he had entered, and it felt so refreshing for Hojoon. Recently the weight on his back had gotten heavier and now it’s completely gone, replaced with the airy brush of love and affection. This was something Hojoon could get used to. The weight isn’t completely gone though, he thinks. It’ll come back eventually, the heaviness of his insecurities and fears rooted deep inside him. But he won’t be alone to cope with it this time, he’ll have Taeyang and Jiho, two boyfriends hopefully, by the end of their date on Tuesday, to help him. Hojoon isn’t scared anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry this took five million years !!! but its finished uwu i was thinking to leave it at just that first part but there wasn't enough closure for me to be okay with it so !! yeah !! enjoy !!

Hojoon felt as if his heart was going to crawl up his throat and spill out through his mouth. God, he was so nervous it felt as if doom was upon him. And it might as well be, because this wasn’t just any date with just anyone, these were the most important people in his life, the people he _lives_ for. Hojoon had much more than doom looming over his shoulder. Looking in the mirror, Hojoon grimaced and took his shirt off, the third one of the hour. Nothing seemed to look right, while Jiho and Taeyang clicked, they were both two very different people with different tastes and Hojoon was having trouble trying to appeal to both. Realistically, his clothing didn’t matter (he could show up in a trash bag and neither would mind), knew their personalities well enough that the date was more of a formality than an aide to their decision making process. At this point, they already knew for a fact that they wanted Hojoon with them, it was just polite to take him out first. Hojoon knew this, yet it never seemed to stay inside his head. His insecurities still troubled him sometimes so he felt the inherent need to impress so that they don’t change their minds and any means to calm himself down just slip out of his brain

The events of the past couple of days were still reeling through Hojoon’s mind- he still couldn’t believe that Taeyang and Jiho felt the same way about him. He wasn’t sure what he had that either of them or anybody else did. They were both seemingly perfect for each other, even before they were together romantically. There wasn’t much that Hojoon could contribute into the relationship when they already had everything they needed. But time was getting short and Hojoon decided to count his blessings rather than wallow in his anxiety. Their date was very real and very soon and Hojoon still was not ready.

Yes, time was too short and if Hojoon didn’t dress himself soon he’d be late. Jiho and Taeyang were taking him to a high class restaurant (Hojoon had fought a bit when they said it was their treat, even if he knew he couldn’t afford it.), Jiho had recently launched his own fashion line and Taeyang had dropped an album that rose up the charts day by day and they claimed that they needed something to spend all of this new money on. So Hojoon had finally settled on an outfit with the most expensive looking shirt he owned, silk and nicely fitted, a choker of the same material attached in the design. He did minimal makeup, but enough to make him expel an aura of elegance and beauty, and sprayed a scented mist (lavender; peaceful) on himself. There were only seven minutes left until his Uber (they fought on this too, Jiho offered to pick him up but Hojoon knew he’d need the time alone to collect himself) was due to pick him up, so Hojoon finished accessorising and made his way down to the lobby of his apartment building.

Nail biting was a bad habit of Hojoon’s, he’s done it ever since he was a child and while it’s toned down a bit, he still finds himself tearing at his nails with his teeth when he’s almost too nervous to function. Now is one of those times, he’s sitting in the lobby all dressed up, a hard contrast from the drab neutrals of the room, waiting to walk into a restaurant too expensive for someone like him with people too good for someone like him. He has this fear melded inside his brain that something will go wrong and he’s praying that this restaurant has some good red wine, because lord knows he’ll need it if his fears come true. In his head he knows that he’s being a bit stupid, but overthinking was also a habit of Hojoon’s that he’s had since he was a child and there is most likely nothing that could stop that.

The Uber came a bit late and Hojoon anxiously slid into the back seat. The driver didn’t even apologise, just confirmed the person and the destination and left. Halfway through the ride the driver tried to start a conversation but neither of them seemed to feel rather talkative and the words awkwardly fell through to a welcomed silence for the remainder of the ride. Hojoon contemplated a lot during the fifteen minutes it took to get to the restaurant. He was lost in his mind still and he was caught off guard by the short travel time, rather than drowning in his insecurities like before he was trying to prepare himself for the inevitable deeper discussion of feelings over dinner tonight. Perhaps he should have spent more time on this, talking about what he felt on the inside has never really been his forte and Hojoon fears that those fifteen minutes in the car won’t be enough.

Of course, he had to get out anyways when the car stopped, though he took his time, thanked the driver and made sure to stand outside and give him a good rating and tip before he went inside. It turned out that Taeyang and Jiho hadn’t arrived yet, when Hojoon walked in he was asked for the reservation name (Shin Jiho) and was led to a nice four chair table with a clean white tablecloth and flowers and fancy wine glasses. Hojoon felt _expensive_ as he sat down and he loved it, loved to feel like _that bitch_ so to speak. It was the attitude he had most of the time and it usually was genuine, (he was a true Scorpio at heart and you can tell as soon as you meet him), a little bit mean and blunt and stuck up, and it was rare that he showed his vulnerable side like he has for the past few days. And since the appearance of that side was few and far inbetween, Hojoon took this extra time for introspection. It wasn’t long until his dates had arrived, though, Jiho dressed in nice slacks and a _Gucci_ dress shirt, Taeyang dressed similarly. They sat across from him at the table and greeted him with bright smiles.

“I’m glad you came Hojoon-hyung! I’m so excited. We have a lot to talk about.” Taeyang nods in agreement and Hojoon automatically nods in response, though he does agree too. As much as he hates it, he’s aware that everyone’s feelings, good and bad, should be brought to light because any relationship, especially this kind, rely on honesty and trust. Without it, their relationship would crumble and that isn’t something he wants. So Hojoon takes a deep breath and wills his body to relax, and tries to remember that he doesn’t have to hold such a strong persona around them, he can _trust_ them.

“Hojoon-ah, how long have you liked us?” Taeyang asks, taking a sip of water that was provided once they sat down. Hojoon had to think for a moment, because he really didn’t know. He remembers when he realised that he fell for them, remembers how they glowed in the sun that day, remembers how he got butterflies in his stomach when they took his hands and led him into the water, remembers the jealousy he felt when they kissed each other, and the raw _fear_ in the pit of his stomach when he realised that he wanted to be both of them when they had kissed. In his heart, Hojoon thinks it might have been long ago, in the point of time where all he had was Taeyang and Jiho. Hojoon was fairly reserved, it took long periods of one on one time to get him to open up and for a while that’s how it was with the both of them. Hojoon was in a space where all he wanted was to be alone and the only people that could break in were Jiho and Taeyang.

“I don’t really remember.” Hojoon lies, because he doesn’t like talking about those months he spent holed up. “But I remember when I realised it though, when we were at the beach during the summer maybe a year or two ago. I remember how it felt watching you two, I loved you so much and it sort of slowly came to me that it was a different kind of love that wasn’t platonic.” He says, a mixture of fond and somber. That’s sort of how he felt in this moment, happy that something so great was finally happening, but...he also felt kind of empty, Hojoon wishes they came together on brighter terms. However, there’s no sense in dwelling on what could have been done when what’s done is done, so Hojoon tries his hardest to focus on the brighter sides of things. He’s never been very good at that, but he tries. Taeyang scoffed at his answer but Jiho brightened visibly. Hojoon tilted his head, confused.

“I think… I think that’s when we realised it too.” Taeyang supplied softly, picking up his menu to look over it. Hojoon had almost forgotten that he was in a restaurant and did the same. “We talked about it after we dropped you off. I think I had known some time before it, but I thought that if I didn’t say anything it wouldn’t become true. We both felt the same though, in the end.”

“It was kind of awkward, honestly, to talk about, because we didn’t do anything after. We didn’t really know if you felt the same or not and we didn’t know want to make things like… weird. It’s kind of funny though, because that night that you came over Taeyang almost said something! But I didn’t think it was time yet and we argued over if we should confess or not, but I guess you kind of did that for us.” Taeyang snorted at Jiho’s words and Hojoon laughed a little, still browsing over the menu. Jiho had already picked what he liked, didn’t have to look at the menu long, said he came to this restaurant with managers and models often enough to know what was good and what wasn't. Hojoon still needed time to choose, he was a bit of a picky eater and didn’t really recognise any of the dishes on the menu- it was daunting. Taeyang had taken pity on him though, knew him long enough to understand Hojoon’s eating habits (and how to cook around it) when ordering at restaurants. He gently tugged Hojoon’s menu out of his hands and set it flat on the table so the both of them could see, flipping a couple of pages before laying his finger on an entree.

“Here, baby, I think you’ll like this one, _Filet Mignon with Borderlaise Sauce_? It’s steak with this kind of red wine sauce, it’s really good I promise.” It was casual, the way _baby_ just slipped out of Taeyang’s mouth and it had shocked Hojoon for a second, he almost nervously glanced at Jiho before he remembered that he was on a _date_ and they they were (unofficially) _dating_ and it was okay for Taeyang to call him that. It made Hojoon feel some kind of way, warmth spread from his heart through his blood and his whole body felt a dull tingle wash over. Hojoon just nodded.

“Hmm. I think I’ll try it, thanks.” He looked up at them. It was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “Why… why did you want me to join your relationship? Don’t you already have what you need together? You guys are perfect.” He chewed on his cheek, afraid of upsetting either of them, it was a bit of a heavy question to ask. But it was eating away at Hojoon, he couldn’t find a reason that they’d need to add someone into their relationship and he wondered what their motive was. Hojoon was the kind of person that always need to know everything, the when, what, who, why, and how. Being kept in the dark about anything (especially something regarding him) pressed a special sort of button for Hojoon.

“It isn’t that there’s something wrong with our relationship,” Jiho speaks first, pausing as their waiter comes for their orders and resumes once he leaves. “If you had said no, our relationship would still be just fine. We’d be sad!! But we would be okay relationship wise. Taeyang and I like you!! A lot!! And that’s why we want you to join our relationship!!”

Taeyang shrugs, sipping his water. “Jiho couldn’t have said it any better, honestly. We don’t want you to date us because there’s something in our dynamic that’s missing, we want you to date us because we, quite frankly, _love_ you. The only thing missing in our relationship is you, love.” 

Hojoon let out a soft little “oh”, not exactly expecting such emotional words from them. They were filled with a specific mix of sadness and love, the kind when someone you care about is upset and you’re trying to convince them that they deserve a place on this earth. Except this time they were trying to convince Hojoon that he deserved a place in their relationship and the emotions wrapped around their words pierced into Hojoon’s heart and rooted itself inside. There was no mistaking the love in their voices. Hojoon was moved.

“Okay.” Was all he said, it was all he _could_ say, really. Hojoon was never one to spill his feelings and lay himself out in front of anybody, not even his best friends. There was something so embarrassing about what he was feeling; Hojoon physically could not bring himself to say much more. Another “okay” was all Hojoon got in reply, the air between them less tense.

It wasn’t until a minute or so later that the tension fully broke, a waiter had arrived to refill their glasses and assure them that their food was coming along nicely. Once he left, the three of them fell into a casual chatter about their week. Apparently Jiho has been collaborating with one of the designers he’s always admired, Kwon Jiyong, and Hojoon was incredibly proud. They were still in the very early stages of designing but Jiho was having a blast anyways, and he looked so bright blabbering about it, Hojoon felt warm.

According to Taeyang, he wasn’t doing very much. Lately he’s been working on his new mixtape and that’s where he left it. He didn’t really like to talk about his music once it was in progress, preferred to keep it to himself and hold it close until it was ready. But once he’s finished, it’ll be all he talks about, likes the attention and wants his hard work to be appreciated. Hojoon squeezes a little bit of other information out, a few weeks ago they had dinner with Dongsung and Yooncheol, some friends of theirs. He heard that they’re doing well after doing the required military service and was happy that they’re safe and well, though he misses them. They talk about other things as well, discuss the new movies that came out and make a date to see _Black Panther_ after realising that none of them have seen it. While their serious conversation wasn’t necessarily finished, they were still at dinner and didn’t want to keep such an atmosphere the whole time. As long as the most important points were addressed, their talk can be put on hold for tomorrow. 

The food arrived after about half an hour, it must have been a slow day, Taeyang and Jiho were impressed at the unusually short amount of time it took their food to get to the table. Hojoon wouldn’t have minded if it had taken the normal time, he was in a good mood and he ate happily. They settled into a casual silence, focused on eating their meals with only a few words exchanged. Hojoon was comfortable now, they’ve been sitting for around an hour and their talk is done for now, their mellow conversation had allowed for Hojoon’s anxiety dissipate from his body. 

Now, in their soft moment of quietness, Hojoon realises he was being a bit silly over everything. He feels small, like a speck of dust on his seat, and maybe a little over dramatic, because he always is. It was the way that he wanted, needed to appear, a front put up so nobody could see inside. But now, he thinks, feeling Jiho’s foot tap against his under the table, watching as Taeyang flicks Jiho above the brow when he says something a little dumb, that maybe it’s okay if they see it. Maybe it’s okay if they see how sensitive and vulnerable Hojoon really is. (Maybe it’s okay if Hojoon _lets_ them love him, _lets_ them shower him in the affection that he craves.)

“How’s the food, Hojoon-ah?” Taeyang asks, smirking like he already knows that Hojoon enjoyed it, smug because Hojoon _did_ enjoy it. Hojoon grins, and Jiho laughs, shoving at Taeyang.

“You just want me to fuel your ego, I won’t fall for your tricks.” Hojoon jabs at him, shoving another bite in his mouth. “It’s good, though. You know me well… I guess. Could’ve been better.” He sniffs, but he smiles and all of them know that it was the perfect choice.

“Let me choose next time, I bet I can do better than Tae, you’ll never have a better meal!” Jiho wiggles a little in his seat, and it’s so endearing to Hojoon. Jiho might be a little big and maybe a little intimidating when seen for the first time, but he’s so childish and happy and cute and _pure_ , it makes Hojoon soft.

Hojoon’s smile is fond. “I’m sure you can, baby.” The pet name slips out again, and Hojoon can feel his heart squeeze in fear for a split second, before he remembers once again that Jiho is _his_. Hojoon guesses that he’ll just have to keep calling him that until it sticks inside his head. He figures that he’ll need to keep calling both of them his until he forgets the way his world initially shattered when he first slipped up, forgets the anxiety churning in his stomach and the bile stuck in his throat. In a way he was traumatised, felt so much that it’s become normal and it’s odd to feel this sort of peace that anything can ruin it. But Jiho beams at him, and Taeyang gazes at him so fond, that Hojoon knows that everything will be okay. Hojoon knows that he’s loved and loved some more, loved so deeply it reaches into the inner sanctums of his soul.

And afterwards, in the darkness of Taeyang and Jiho’s bedroom, under the moonlight dulled by their curtains, they make Hojoon theirs. Breaths blend and curl into the air and their mouths and hands wander, pressed against skin and bones and love itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope the ending was okay !! I'll admit it was a little rushed but i was stuck for a bit and beginning to lose interest and I wanted to finish it rather than abandon ! if u enjoyed feel free to follow my [nsfw twit acc](http://www.twitter.com/nsfwsanggyun) for more if you'd like to !! ♥

**Author's Note:**

> hi hellooooo i hope u enjoyed!! I'm rly excited to contribute to the topp dogg community for real here on ao3!!! we don't rly have many writers and that makes me sad :( so this was kind of a "fuck it i'll do it myself" thing bc this concept right here is secretly one of my weaknesses and so far I've only seen one (1) fic similar to this concept and I hold that fic to my heart dearly  
> anyways!!! if u ever wanna talk abt this fic or topp dogg or anything else rly hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/nsfwsanggyun)
> 
> also! I want to let u guys know that the second part wont be coming out soon after this is posted. I had already promised to write another fic after this, and even though I didn't plan on it to be two parts im still gonna keep my promise and write the new fic (its abt mommy kihyun and his baby changkyun so stay tuned fuckers) between the parts! so please be patient if ur looking forward to the next part!!  
> thank you so much for reading ♥♥♥


End file.
